What Derek doesn’t realize is that we don’t actually speak English – to us it sounds like a tongue shared by our listeners, but we actually speak like “Yip Yip ack ACK yip”. So in addition to converting the files and mixing them, I have to run the audio through a translation program with human speech synthesis. Since there’s no “posh Doncaster” accent freely available, I had to write this software myself – and rewrite it every time because for some reason our non-euclidian alien tongue corrupts the program as it is fed through. Not only that, for some piddling reason, I can’t use a high-level programming language. I have to write it in binary machine code using a microscopic magnet to directly flip the bits on my hard drive plates.

Anyway, we talk about The Hunger Games fresh from the screen, but we ramble on a bit too long. Fortunately a cartoon monkey saves the day.